tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3066621724249194131.post701217860137323387..comments2023-09-13T03:40:00.337-07:00Comments on The Secret Life of Writers: SeCrit #3 (First 250 Words)The Secret Life of Writershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15424814452211945661noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3066621724249194131.post-91267464188460186052013-04-21T20:00:02.771-07:002013-04-21T20:00:02.771-07:00I've just found this blog. I don't have an...I've just found this blog. I don't have any critique to add to this but wanted to say what a great learning tool! My WIP is written in 3rd person and I also struggle with how frequently to use the MC's first name versus a pronoun. I can't wait to read future critiques.Maryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15195239241944644996noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3066621724249194131.post-14463804054147517162013-03-01T14:06:03.255-08:002013-03-01T14:06:03.255-08:00Good job submitting and being critiqued. It is al...Good job submitting and being critiqued. It is always a little scary! Overall, I like the piece. The writing is easy to read which is a huge plus!<br /><br />I did have to reread the first sentence a few times to get the setting, for some reason I kept reading Flying Owl and picturing a group of jet fighters. That's probably my own stupidity though. I wasn't grounded into what type of story this was, I imagine if I'd read a back cover blurb already that wouldn't be an issue at all. <br /><br />I do want to know more about this woman watching Carly. She didn't seem strange at all so why Carly is so freaked by her I didn't grasp. I know it is only 250 words but it just felt out of place or under explained. I knew more about the collective group sweat than the strange woman. Haleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15166585282012706388noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3066621724249194131.post-58097984067681686652013-02-26T13:25:50.418-08:002013-02-26T13:25:50.418-08:00It seems like you were trying to build tension pri...It seems like you were trying to build tension primarily through the setting (crowd, perfume, sweat, noise). SOME of that is great (and you found some really creative ways to describe the atmosphere), but as a reader, I want more tension coming straight from your character. I want to get inside Carly's head, not just see the bar through her eyes. Of whom or what is she afraid? Along those same lines, I want to know more about her relationship with Tyler. What distinguishes them from any other musician and his girl? Also, what's at stake here? We've got Carly in a bar, feeling all paranoid, and this curiously clad security guard, but I really don't know enough about Carly to be on her side yet. I don't need to know EVERYTHING about her, but give me a few reasons to know she's a character worth cheering.<br /><br />Kudos to you for getting your work out there. For me, the first few pages - that awkward place where people are deciding whether or not to invest in the rest of the story - are especially hard to open up to critical eyes. <br /><br />Best of luck as you go forward!<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3066621724249194131.post-42829767736597112072013-02-26T13:22:35.858-08:002013-02-26T13:22:35.858-08:00Yes, very awesome of this authors to let us critiq...Yes, very awesome of this authors to let us critique their work! Thanks for commenting Scarlet!Leah Rae Millerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15016306009472838900noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3066621724249194131.post-13289234529940811522013-02-26T13:20:54.026-08:002013-02-26T13:20:54.026-08:00Well said, Alex. Especially the part about letting...Well said, Alex. Especially the part about letting us into Carly's head more. Totally agree with that. Thanks for commenting and helping out!!!Leah Rae Millerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15016306009472838900noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3066621724249194131.post-88609494080596793242013-02-26T13:16:01.564-08:002013-02-26T13:16:01.564-08:00I'd like to see a first sentence that snags me...I'd like to see a first sentence that snags me and reels me in. Your first sentence (or sentences) is a great opportunity to set the tone for the chapter, character, and ms. I think you can get a lot more out of it than is there now.<br /><br />What do your first 250 tell us about Carly that might intrigue us to keep reading? In my opinion, that's the fact that she's being watched. I'd start with the watching, then as you describe the scene and the crowd, feather in how uncomfortable she is, seemingly for no reason, as she tries to enjoy her fave band. I don't know if I'd mention the woman in red yet, but that's up to you.<br /><br />Can you describe the crowd in a way that lets us into Carly's head a little more? How comfortable is she in this group-- does she thrive on the crowds or does she feel suffocated by them? Giving us a little more insight by the way that Carly describes things/reacts to them is a great way to tell us what kind of a person she is without explicitly saying so.<br /><br />Definitely agree with Leah to have fun with words! :) You have a scene with a bunch of potential here-- play it up! Alex Yuschikhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15930809566394865354noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3066621724249194131.post-7113346960081825662013-02-26T13:08:19.936-08:002013-02-26T13:08:19.936-08:00Kudos to the author but putting their story out th...Kudos to the author but putting their story out there to be crit'd :) I agree with what's been pointed out here. I was also very thrown by the security guard part. Best of luck!Scribbling Scarlethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14014828055977050503noreply@blogger.com