Friday, September 13, 2013

Losing Heart and Finding It Again

So it's no big secret that I've taken a break from social media and writing. Heck, the girls of Secret Life know, I've kind of checked out of everything. For a while there I was completely consumed by my writing/querying that I completely ignored how completely unhappy I was with my real life. And I don't mean with my marriage or anything, (my husband is all the awesome) but work was slowly beginning to weigh on me, and I got to the point where I just didn't want to go anymore. I was miserable.

Not only was work taking its toll, but I've spent my entire summer querying a manuscript I truly love that never seemed to find a home. And maybe I didn't give it enough time. Some people may think that my decision to leave my agent was a mistake. Believe what you will, but I don't regret that one bit. Did it cause a major set back? Most definitely. But it was the best decision for me at the time and still is.

But here's the thing: I reached that point where I was unhappy with everything. With work. My time writing a manuscript that will never be finished at this point. And querying for what seems like forever for something that I'll probably end up shelfing any way. I realize that my newest manuscript will never be done in a timely enough manner to query this year, and who knows if I'll ever finish it. I still have plenty of queries/submissions out there that could potentially turn out to be amazing opportunities, but for now I'll never know. The problem was: I was putting too much pressure on myself to make something happen writing wise, and when it didn't, well, it only made me feel worse.

The most important thing I've realized the last few months is that in order to be happy, I have to work on my real life first. So even though I intend to participate blogging with Secret Life and eventually working on my writing again, I took a step back and started focusing on the things I truly have control over. I feel pretty good about it. Of course, I miss writing like crazy, but sometimes you lose heart and you have to find it all over again. So, my friends, I'm writing you today to tell you that it's okay if your writing isn't going where you want it to go right here, right now. Everything happens at its own pace, and sometimes you have to focus on the things that you CAN control. Keeping yourself busy isn't always about working on that next manuscript, but focusing on those real life people/things that are standing right in front of you.

So for those of you that have been in the trenches that, at times, seem endless: Yes, it's good to push yourself to move forward, but don't be afraid to take a step back every once in a while. Don't think about it like you're being left behind. Everything takes time, and your time will come. I know mine will, and when I come back after this little break, I'm gonna own it.


3 secret replies:

  1. Wow. Seriously, this was like reading my journal. Minus the agent and awesome husband. :) I need to be heading to work right now actually. :( And I'm in the middle of editing and I keep thinking about my last story and wondering what I did wrong. Good news is I got two real rejections, which was more exciting than it should have been.

    I think you're brave. :)

  2. Aw I love this! Thanks so much for sharing this! Its such an important reminder :)