With the help of her dead brother, 17 y/o Seer Madeline Jacobs travels across the solar system to seek revenge on her family's murderers.Critique:
With the help of her dead brother, Okay, I'm listening. This first line definitely has my attention. It makes me go: Wait. What? DEAD brother? Now this is gonna be interesting. 17 y/o Seer Love that we get an idea of what this story is about by the use of one word. The use of "Seer" ties everything together. Madeline Jacobs travels across the solar system This is kind of where you lose me. What's a Seer doing out in the solar system? Is this a Sci-Fi? By the mention of Seer, I immediately thought it was more a supernatural. Now I'm picturing spaceships and comets, etc. Those two things don't seem to go together, so I feel like we need more information. Maybe a hint that this is indeed sci-fi or something that explains the world building. to seek revenge on her family's murderers. I feel like this should be more specific. Did someone indeed kill off her entire family? Or just her parents? How? By blowing up their planet? I realize that you only have 140 characters for a Twitter pitch but that's what makes them so important. I think if we have just a little bit more to go off of, it will help us picture the characters and setting for what sounds like a very interesting manuscript.
Thank you so much to everyone who submitted their pitches and a big thanks to the author of this submission! I'm definitely curious to know more about this manuscript, so your pitch definitely works. I just feel like it needs a little something to make it really pop. Please share your thoughts and suggestions in the comments section!