The Secret to Defeating the Guilt Monster

Hi, lovelies!

Today I'm going to talk to you about this epidemic I've been noticing in the publishing world ever since I started writing seriously a few years ago: Guilt, with a capital G.

I don't know how many tweets I've witnessed, or how many I've written myself, that include some version of "OMG I'M NOT WRITING I'M SUCH A SLACKER." I wrote one yesterday, for cripe's sake. (Note: old habits die hard.) Never mind that I've been teaching, raising two babies, taking care of my family, and finishing a graduate degree. No, all I could focus on was that I hadn't written a single word in a week and that I was a failure and a schmuck and that my writing career was going to shrivel up like an unwatered house plant.

But then I re-read this wonderful, brilliant advice my agent posted on her blog last month about the difference between procrastination and incubation, and it made me realize that I had no reason to be guilty at all. And you definitely shouldn't either.

Think about it: how many of us are constantly incubating our thoughts? Incubation is a tricky beast; it can look a lot like it's uglier sister, Procrastination, but they're not at all alike. How many of you daydream about your characters? Write down little snippets of dialogue in your phone? Smother your desk or car or refrigerator with stickies? I know you all do it. That's what writers do.

So all that time you're not writing down "a single word," you're actually writing down tons of words. In fact, you're probably writing down the most important words of all: the ones that touch you, inspire you. The ones that make you antsy to find time to sit down at that computer. One day. After the baby sleeps through the night or your finish that report for work or you get over that chronic head cold. That way, when you finally do have the time, you'll know exactly what you want to write.

In a way, incubation is actually pretty productive. 

Here's another thing to think about so that we can banish the guilt monster for good: the best stories are written by people who are actually living. So all that running around you're doing? You're out in the world, living (even though I always feel like errands are going to be the death of me). You're out there, interacting with people, listening to real-life dialogue, brainstorming ideas on life and love and world peace or whatever the hell you talk about with your friends. Even if you're changing poopy diapers instead of traveling the world, you're still downloading new beliefs and thoughts and ideas everyday and that is no small feat, my friend. Those little life nuances are what makes good stories great.

So instead of beating yourself up about what you haven't accomplished, pat yourself on the back for what you have been doing. You're snuggling babies and smelling the lavender soap in their hair. You're laughing your face off as you find one of your bras hidden under your son's bed (this actually happened to me yesterday, PS. He loves dressing up and wearing our clothes. And apparently hoards them?). You're having a drink a little too strong at your friend's house, you're reading a book that makes your heart break. These are the things that matter. And in between all of that, you're incubating, collecting your little snippets of inspiration so you can use them when you're ready.

That sounds pretty damn productive to me.

Andrea Hannah writes about delusional girls, disappearances, and darkness with a touch of magic. When she's not writing, Andrea runs, teaches, consumes epic amounts of caffeine, and tries to figure out how to prevent her pug from opening the refrigerator (unsuccessful to date). She's represented by Victoria Marini of Gelfman-Schneider/ICM, and her debut novel, OF SCARS AND STARDUST, is coming from Flux in Fall 2014. You can add it on Goodreads here!

You can find her on Twitter @: http://twitter.com/andeehannah

Drop her an email @: andreahannahbooks@gmail.com
And visit her website @: http://www.andreahannah.com/

A Terrible Metaphor on Rejection

I’m back!

Special thanks to Sarah and Stephanie for filling in with such fantastic posts while I was moving/getting my life in order. After taking January to settle in, I’m ready to be back on the blogging bandwagon.

Because this is my first post of the new year, I’m going to start off by tackling a subject that’s still a bit tough for me to talk about in hopes that I can start 2014 with a clean slate and open mind. But before I get into it, I’m going to tell you a story.

When I was in middle school, my friend talked me into joining the softball team. I was a little hesitant to do this at first because I was more comfortable running track and dancing at my dance studio. But all my friends were going to be on the team and not wanting to be left out, I convinced myself that it would be fun.

I wasn’t ever the best dancer and never came in first or even second in track, but I was NOT good at softball. During one of my first practices, I ended up getting hit in the face with the softball (and contrary to popular belief, those damn balls are NOT soft). From then on out I was terrified of batting. For some reason, I could not get over that fear. I hated when it was my turn to bat. I would basically just swing without any thought to it just so I could not have to run bases. My coach hated me because I wasn’t even trying, and the feeling wasn’t far from mutual. I hated the game because I was always afraid of getting hurt again.

I was coming home from one of our games when I told my mom I was quitting. I hated feeling like I sucked and I hated the anxiety I felt every time I had to bat. Most of all, I hated the damn game itself.

Let me bring this metaphor back in full circle: this is how I’ve felt for the last 6 months with writing. Being rejected not once, but multiple times sometimes feels like getting hit in the face with a softball. It f--king hurts. It makes you afraid. It makes you hesitant to get back in the game. It gives you a lot of anxiety and worst of all, it made me want to quit.

My mom wouldn’t let me quit softball, but my friends/teammates did catch on to my misery. They helped me out during practice and never discouraged me. What I distinctly remember is that during our games, they started cheering for me every time I had to bat. That turned into us cheering for each other each time someone was up, no matter how horrifically they sucked. After our games, we’d all go out for lunch. We would never pick apart the negatives of the game, but focus on all the fun we had in the moment. And at the end of our season, I was actually glad I hadn’t quit.

I was reminded of all this when my dad brought it up around the holidays. It made me think of what I was going through currently with writing. Yeah, I was hurt and afraid and had a LOT of anxiety every time I thought about going back on submission. (I also hate the word anxiety, because it makes me feel like a weak person and I hate portraying myself that way, but I realize now that that’s exactly what it was.) My downfall was that I was focusing more on the number’s game of the writing world rather than the fun of the craft itself. I missed writing for enjoyment. For myself.

Here’s my point, and hopefully I can try and listen to my own advice: yes, writing is a number’s game, but that’s not what you should be focused on. The rejections and disappointment and hurt don’t matter in the long run and those feelings will eventually fade. Everyone goes through this (well, except for the few luckies who’ve never had a single rejection, but I suspect that’s rare). It’s about how many times you pick up that bat to swing. It’s about all the friends, family, agents, editors, and other publishing personnel cheering for you. It’s about all the people who matter telling you not to quit not matter how horribly you think you suck. It’s about the people who care enough to want to help you be better.

They’re all cheering for you. You just have to shut off the negative voices in your head long enough to listen. 

Farrah Penn enjoys staying up way too late and making up for it in large quantities of coffee. On top of her love for reading books with memorable characters, she also enjoys internet memes, yoga, and her adorably bratty dog. When she’s not rushing to complete marketing projects at work, she’s writing and daydreaming about traveling the world. Farrah writes YA and is represented by Suzie Townsend of New Leaf Literary.  

You can also find her on Twitter @: www.twitter.com/farrahwrites
Drop her an email @: farrahnicolepenn@gmail.com
And visit her blog at: http://www.farrahpenn.com